Jun 14, 2018
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26 Things I’d Tell My Younger Self

In light of my 26th birthday today, I wanted to share a few (or more) realizations I’ve had over the years. Some were hard-earned lessons while others were subtle iterations of what I already knew. Here are the things I’d tell a younger Connie, as it relates to passion, work, relationships, life, and everything in between.

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1. Stop looking for happiness from a job. Look for happiness in a job. Often, it is in the people.

2. Value the friends who tell you the hard truths and put your welfare above your perception of them. You know that part that stings when someone criticizes you? That’s called the truthful part, and it hits on what you already believe about yourself. Listen to why someone called you out, not how they did it. Then be open-minded to improving in that area.

3. People treat you the way they feel about themselves. Don’t take it personally.

4. The temporary discomfort of saying “No” is better than the long-lasting dread of plans you committed to out of guilt and obligation.

5. Don’t let anyone shame you for your sexuality—the way you choose to love, to touch, to share your heart and your body. Your sexuality is yours. The only thing you should encourage anyone to do when it comes to sex is getting tested regularly. (Seriously, you could save someone’s life!)

6. Stop paying for stuff with your debit card. Do some research on credit cards that will give you the best benefits for your spending habits.

7. If you’re frustrated with someone in a professional setting, remember they may just be doing their job. They don’t want to be in this position or situation any more than you do. They don’t want to be having these uncomfortable conversations. Sometimes, it is strictly business. If you can empathize with anything, empathize with the fact that most of us are slaves to the dollar in some capacity. Everyone has pressures of their own, things that are out of their control, things they may not agree with but have to do anyway, just like you.

8. You don’t owe anyone your time. It’s okay NOT to go on a second date even though he’s a decent guy. It’s okay NOT to reply to your friend’s text right away.

9. If you think fondly of someone, let them know.

10. Before you blame someone or something else, ask yourself: “How did I contribute to this problem? What can I do to fix it?”

11. The person who you think doesn’t deserve you? They probably don’t.

12. Neutral friendships can be just as bad as toxic friendships. Your time is limited. Don’t let long, empty weekends deceive you into thinking you will live forever. You will die one day. Spend your life with people you actively enjoy.

13. Learn to analyze your hatred and love of things.

  • Do you really hate your job? Or is it the paycheck that bothers you? Is it the nature of your role, the specific company, or the type of people you work with? Is it your expectations of what a job can do for you?
  • Do you really love this guy? Or is it the attention you’ve always wanted? Is it the stability that staves off comparatively awful feeling of loneliness? Is it your expectations of what a relationship or sex can do for you?

14. If you’ve already decided you’re gonna eat the cookies, then enjoy every second without an ounce of guilt!

15. Spend less time being frustrated about what you can’t control. Redirect your anger into actionable items.

16. If you can financially afford it, quit the job that’s making you miserable.

17. Contribute generously to your savings account. Money can’t buy you happiness, but it can buy you the freedom to walk away from a situation that makes you unhappy.

18. People cannot waste your time if you do not allow them your time in the first place.

19. A different life is possible. Change is not something that magically happens to other people. You were not born to be uniquely miserable. You prefer it seem that way so you can excuse yourself of any ownership over your happiness. See where that takes you. Once you hit a wall, make some changes and live the life you were always capable of having.

20. Your employer doesn’t owe your passion anything. You chose this career path, or at the very least, you signed the offer letter. So check yourself, check your attitude and realize maybe, just maybe, your professional dissatisfaction is self-inflicted.

21. It’s okay to believe certain people, places, things, or situations should go fuck themselves. As much as you can manage, express these thoughts in an appropriate place, like behind closed bedroom doors with all your home listening devices disconnected and submerged in water or on your public blog, if you absolutely must. ;0

22. Know your worth and honor it (both financially and in general). Asking for more money does not automatically make you entitled or greedy. Especially for women: When it comes to vouching for your rightful pay, be bold about asserting your worth. It is a STANDARD. It is not up for discussion.

23. Don’t prematurely disqualify yourself from a job. Because somewhere out there is an equally “unqualified” person who will thank you for stepping out of their way. Apply. Apply. Apply. Everyone is unqualified until they get the job that makes them qualified. 🙂

24. Don’t be so quick to give up on love. If you can’t stretch your optimism that far, then simply believe there are still good people out there. You have a ton of single friends that are great catches, don’t you? Then believe that somewhere out there, there’s someone’s amazing friend who you will come to see romantically.

25. Embrace being a writer. You always do this thing where you dismiss it, talk down on yourself, or qualify that you “only do it as a hobby.” Stop that shit. Deep down, you identify as a writer more than anything else in life. Own it. Own the things you love. You are a writer. You never have and never will need a paycheck to prove that.

26. The things you were looking forward to some day are happening right now.

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**many of these realizations were inspired by the wisdom of my friends and mentors, and from reading:

 

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